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Last weekend, we had a family reunion at Great Wolf Lodge in the Poconos. Having children span the ages of four through almost 12 makes sticking together nearly impossible in that place. Everyone ran in every direction as the cousins arrived — except for Lyla, who ONLY wanted to swim in the wave pool, and we temporarily lost Audrey. Calm panic ensued as we searched the park for her. It turned out she was with her aunt on the largest water slide. We regrouped, established the “always with a buddy” rule and regular check-ins, and enjoyed the rest of the weekend. 

I grew up summering in Seaside Park, NJ. Thirty years ago, and at a younger age than Audrey, I would leave N Street with my cousins and walk to Water Works (the water park), spend the morning there, grab lunch on the boardwalk, and then meet my parents on the beach. That would NEVER fly these days. Times have changed. 

Ironically, this week, research dropped in my inbox about evidence of a link between declining mental health in children and a decline in independent activity. The researchers argue that a primary cause of the rise in mental disorders is a decline over decades in opportunities for children and teens to play, roam, and engage in other activities independent of direct oversight and control by adults. These independent activities may promote mental well-being through immediate effects, as a direct source of satisfaction, and long-term effects by building mental characteristics that provide a foundation for dealing effectively with the stress of life. One study found that children who lived in a neighborhood whose parents allowed them to play outside unsupervised spent twice as much time outdoors, were more active, had twice as many friends, and had better motor and social skills than peers deprived of unsupervised play. Several studies have also revealed significant positive correlations between the amount of self-structured time and executive functioning, emotional control, social ability, and self-regulation.  

The evidence is convincing, but I am an Anxious Annie. I like to know where my kids are and what they are doing. I needed help, so I did some more digging and found this website: Let it Grow. It provides independence challenges for elementary and middle school-aged children. As I sat staring out my office window, wondering where to let my kids go alone, I realized I was staring at it! We have a 110-acre campus that feels a bit enclosed to me, but to my children, it feels like a whole wide world. Could Nolan walk down to EC to pick up Lyla? Can Lyla and Nolan play outside my office on the playground while I finish work instead of staying inside with me? Can Audrey hang with her friends for all of Swarm the Hive instead of constant check-ins? According to Let it Grow, the answer is yes. So, if you see me nervously scanning the crowd next weekend while trying to play it off like I am not concerned, please know I am trying to follow my advice. I am trying to give independence challenges to my children and trust challenges to myself. Teachers, if you see my children with some weird lunches next week, please know their challenge was to make their lunch. If anyone sees Lyla dressed like a Spidey at school, the challenge is to get yourself ready for school and out the door. I encourage you to check out the website, let me know if you’re up for the challenge, and share your successes! Let’s help our children GROW!