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If you ask any of my children if they’re excited about summer, they’ll let out a dramatic groan,“YESSS,” then immediately ask how many days are left of school, or provide a minute countdown. If you stick around a moment longer, you’ll hear them start fighting over absolutely nothing. One will claim the other is more annoying (objectively true, depending on the hour), and I’ll be left wondering how I’m supposed to survive an entire summer of this.

At first, I chalked it up to exhaustion, these longer days and packed evenings wear us all down. But as I watched my kids ping-pong between excitement and irritability, I realized there might be something deeper going on.

Middle childhood (roughly ages 6–12) is a time when school isn’t just a place for learning multiplication and spelling, it’s the social laboratory where kids start figuring out who they are. Through daily interactions, academic successes (and flops), and playground politics, they build their sense of self.

So, while summer sounds like a dream (no lunchboxes, no early alarms, no frantic sock hunts), it also takes away a major part of that social identity. The friends they’ve seen every day? Gone. The routines that make them feel competent? Out the window. Even kids who adore summer might feel a little unsteady about stepping into the unknown, whether it’s a new camp, new kids, or just remembering how to cannonball.

So what can we do to ease this transition?
First, our attitude matters… a lot. Research shows that kids mirror our emotions. If we’re upbeat and encouraging, they’re more likely to jump into new situations with confidence. If we’re anxious and hovering with “Do you have any friends yet?” energy, they’ll pick up on that too.

Second, focus on friendships. Try to help your child stay connected to school friends at the start of summer, if possible. This keeps part of their identity anchored during the seasonal shift. Summer friendships tend to grow from shared interests and convenient geography (translation: whoever lives closest to your pool). Help your child join in activities where they’re likely to meet kids with similar passions, sports, art, bug collecting, slime-making, you name it.

And don’t forget to model this yourself. Say hi to someone new. Join a game at the playground (bonus: you’ll look like a very cool parent until your knees give out). When you see a moment to encourage your child, take it, “Hey look, they’re doing crazy dives! I bet you’ve got a wild one too!”

Soon enough, the summer jitters will fade, and your child will be running barefoot through the sprinkler with new friends, sticky popsicle hands, and absolutely no memory of that final spelling test. As the days get warmer and their confidence grows, the magic of summer kicks in.

One of my favorite quotes sums it up perfectly:
“When the school doors close, the gates to summer swing wide open, and every day is a delightful journey into the world of sunlit possibilities.”

Of course, my kids’ version of that would probably be:
“When school ends, the snack drawer opens, and every day is a dramatic journey into who touched my stuff.”

Hang in there, parents. We’ve got this. Probably.