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Big emotions. It’s a term we hear more and more these days, and even for those who aren’t parents or in education, it paints a vivid picture. We know exactly what it means. Maybe you have a child who has struggled with big emotions, or perhaps you’ve witnessed one of those big moments unfold in the Target toy aisle. And while this blog is about children, let’s be honest, adults experience big emotions, too!

For those unfamiliar with the term, let me describe my sister (to spare my own children, who, I promise, have had their fair share of big emotions). My sister has always taken up space in a room. She speaks loudly, gestures wildly, and enjoys life her way… until something doesn’t go her way.

She was the child you’d find sprawled on the grocery store floor, arms and legs flailing, crying and screaming because she didn’t get what she wanted. Or clinging stubbornly to a clothing rack, refusing to let go, frustration pouring out in waves. When she experienced anger, anxiety, or sadness, it was big and unmistakable.

When we were kids, these moments weren’t labeled as “big emotions.” They were seen as phases most children would outgrow by the end of kindergarten. But in recent years, the term “big emotions” has entered the mainstream, especially in education. And these big emotions are often sticking around long past kindergarten.

There are many theories about why this is happening (I’m happy to share if you’re curious!), but today, I want to focus on what research says can help. If big emotions are frequent in your home, these tips might offer some relief.

Tips from the Child Mind Institute:

1. Teach your child to recognize and name their emotions: Help your child understand what they’re feeling before it overwhelms them. Often, emotions build like a wave. Naming that feeling can give them a sense of control.
2. Model and narrate emotional regulation: Imagine you’ve asked your child six times to move a full cup of milk away from the table’s edge, and now there’s milk everywhere. Instead of yelling, rolling your eyes, or sighing dramatically, try narrating your feelings: “I’m frustrated right now because I asked you to move the milk, and it spilled. I’m going to take a deep breath and grab a towel to clean it up.” Show them how to manage frustration as you are experiencing it and working through it.
3. Praise and uplift your child often: Celebrate desirable behaviors with specific praise. For example, “I noticed how calmly you put your shoes on this morning, even though we were in a hurry. That was so helpful!” Someone once told me to aim for a 20-to-1 ratio: for every piece of criticism, find 20 ways to build them back up.
4. Maintain clear and consistent expectations: Sensitive children thrive on consistency. They often see the world in black and white, so it’s confusing when the same behavior is okay one day and not the next. Avoid triggering emotions by keeping routines predictable. And remember: “Because I’m an adult” doesn’t cut it as an explanation for why the rules don’t apply to you.
5. Plan for challenging situations: If you know something might set your child off, prepare them. Talk about what will happen and strategize how they can handle it. For example: “We’re going to dance class today, and the cupcake store next door will still be there, but today isn’t a cupcake day. Remember last week when you were upset about not getting one? How did that feel? How did we both react? What can we do differently this time?”

My favorite tip: Spend daily special time with your child. Just five minutes of uninterrupted, screen-free, child-directed time each day can make a world of difference. Child-directed is the key. Your five minutes of time with your child shouldn’t be on homework, or even family dinner. It could be drawing together, playing a favorite game, or just chatting about their day, as long as those are activities your child enjoys. It reinforces how much you value and love them, strengthening their self-regulating ability.

Big emotions are part of growing up, but with these strategies, we can foster emotional awareness, self-regulation, and resilience in our children (and ourselves!). Maybe, just maybe, we can all make it through Target without giving in or carrying a crying child out the door. We’ve got this!