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If you ask either of my oldest two if they are excited about the summer, they will impatiently moan “yes” and quickly ask how many days are left of school. If you listen in long enough, you would undoubtedly also hear them immediately start fighting about nothing and who is more annoying, and find me dreading the fact that their time together is about to increase. I started to dig into what was going on with their overly dramatic behavior. It could be because we are exhausted from hanging on to these longer days and busy evenings. I think, though, that it is bigger than that. 

Middle childhood (ages 6-12ish) is a crucial period where school serves as the primary social context for children to assess their own competence. Mastery of physical and academic skills, as well as peer interactions, shape the child’s self-concept and self-esteem. Summer is undoubtedly fun, but it also means the social context of school is removed, taking away a significant part of our children’s identity. This transition can cause anxiety, even for children who love their summer days, summer house, or summer pool. The pause in their ‘summer life’ for a whole year means that who your children were one year ago is likely different from who they are today, and there may even be some nerves around reconnecting with old friendships. 

So how do we help ease their nerves as they prepare to shift from the social circle they have known for the past 10 months, to the one they are about to enter into? First and foremost, as parents, our positive and encouraging attitude is crucial (even if it’s challenging at times). Research has shown that when parents are positive and encouraging, children are more likely to approach new social situations with confidence. Conversely, if parents are anxious and stressed, these feelings can be passed on to their children. Therefore, maintaining a positive outlook is key. Next, focus on friendships. At the start of summer, if possible, arrange opportunities for your children to see their school friends. This will help them maintain their sense of self as they transition into the summer. Friendships at this age are typically based on mutual liking, shared interests, and gender. As you help your child navigate the new social dynamics of the summer scene, encourage them to participate in activities they enjoy, which will connect them with like-minded peers. Point out when you see other children engaging in an activity your child likes…”look, they are doing crazy dives off the diving board! Why don’t you go join in?” Model making friends and engaging with new people when you are out and about. 

There is no doubt that as we settle into summer routines that summer friendships, sun-kissed skin, and ice cream smiles will replace the anxiety they may currently be feeling. One of my favorite summer quotes is this: “When the school doors close, the gates to summer swing wide open, and every day is a delightful journey into the world of sunlit possibilities.” Our kids may just need some preparation, positivity, and encouragement before heading out on this year’s journey.